My son is a little over a year old and the mommy guilt of wanting to take a few hours to myself is finally starting to wear off. You know the feeling, moms. When your baby is teething and you have to remind yourself to be patient and take a moment even though what you really want to do is call Grandma and tap out for the night. When all you really want is to enjoy a decent meal on your own timeframe. Or even just take a shower by yourself. Those feelings remind me about why I believe solo travel even as a mom is so important.

My son is the light of my life and the only other person I enjoy as much as him is my husband, but sometimes mama needs a break. And that’s OK! Men don’t think twice about taking a few hours to be with the guys or returning to work after the baby is born (this is no way meant to bash husbands or fathers). So why do put so much pressure on ourselves to when it comes to being a mom.

Or an even better question might be, why do we let other people put so much pressure on us to be the image of motherhood that they have in their own heads?

What I’m trying to say is that we as moms should give ourselves some slack when it comes to taking time to ourselves. Our life changes when we become mothers, it doesn’t end. Below are some of the reasons why I believe solo travel as a mom is so important.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I know I started this post talking about leaving the kids behind but what about your partner? Solo means without anybody else. No man, no woman, not a soul but your own. I really love that when I go away, I come home to a cleaner home, a little more appreciation, and whole lot more attention. I don’t know if it’s that my presence, or lack there of, is so much greater or if there’s a genuine fear that I won’t come back lol. Either way, I needed a break from scrubbing those toilets. Thanks babe.

But the feeling is mutual. When my husband is getting ready to go away on a business trip, I’m suddenly made acutely aware of just how involved he is in everything and how much more difficult everything becomes without him. The same can be said in the reverse. When I go away, so does the balance of patience and discipline with the baby, my availability for everything, as well as the familiar companionship.

While I’m not advocating for running away every time you feel unappreciated, I am encouraging you to consider the good some time away can do for your relationship as well as for yourself. But what do you do with all that free time once you actually get away?

Answer: Anything. You. Want.

You Can FINALLY See That Movie

Or read that book. Or have that coffee with your girlfriend. Or see that performer in concert. You get where I’m going here.

My son was born two weeks before Black Panther came out and I was actually googling ways to take a newborn into a movie theater. HINT: Nobody recommends it. I wanted to see that movie so bad and I wanted to support it on opening weekend but I couldn’t. Something as simple as seeing a movie (which I rarely did before he was born) becomes even more of a rarity once that new family member arrives.

When you take time for yourself, you can do anything you want. Do you want to spend all day at the movie theater watching the latest blockbusters? Do you want to literally lay in a hotel bed ordering in room service for 3 days straight? Do you just want to sleep? How about enjoying a cup of coffee again – before it gets cold!

Oh, hey normalcy. Fancy meeting you here.

The moral of this story is that whether you take one day or several, you’re free to do whatever you want to do on your schedule. And don’t forget that you don’t have to consider what anyone else wants to do. No negotiating or compromising. It’s your world for a few days.

Okay, now we could end this post right here because everything before here is reason is enough. But there’s actually more:

It’s Cheaper to Travel Alone

I said it. You were thinking it.

It’s much cheaper for you to buy one plane ticket vs. two, to eat out for one vs. two, to buy one ticket to a museum or attraction vs. two, and so on. This means that money shouldn’t (hopefully) be the reason you think you can’t go away without your family. If anything, the money should be the first reason you decide to go away alone.

“Hey honey, I’ve been wanting to visit Sedona, Arizona, and, before you say anything, it would actually be so much more cost effective if I just went by myself for a long weekend instead of bringing everyone along.”

Here’s a secret about my husband: we’ve been traveling together for almost a decade and he still needs to be convinced before almost every trip we take together. That little nudge works 90% of the time. Lately, I don’t follow-through as much (oh, hey mom guilt!) but I encourage you to try that when considering taking a solo trip. Run the numbers and let them tell you if you don’t believe me.

Self-care

It is so easy to fall into the day-to-day routine of taking care of your family with chores, coordinating schedules, appointments, etc. And it’s even easier to forget yourself when getting lost in doing things for everybody else. Self-care is a big word but it shouldn’t overwhelm you.

Self-care means something different for everybody and presents itself in big and small ways. It could be getting monthly pedicures, brunch with girlfriends or weekends away. I love nothing more than being able to sleep in, eat when I want, and enjoy a hot cup of coffee. These are all small things that I can’t do regularly at home but they are simple joys that I enjoyed a lot pre-baby. And things that I make a point to do when I’m on my own.

To me, a self-care day means a spa treatment which, budget permitting, includes a body scrub/polish and massage. Have you ever had a body scrub? Thank me later.

Learn Something About Yourself

You can choose to just take a day to yourself and still see a movie, read a book or go to the spa. But what makes solo travel as a mom so important is that you get the opportunity to learn something new about yourself.

Traveling alone allows you to have perspective that you wouldn’t have when traveling with a partner, and certainly while traveling with a child. Maybe you take the time to enjoy a cappuccino while people watching in a cafe or take time to get back in the habit of journaling. Moment of truth: when I travel alone, I remember just how afraid of most things I actually am and remind myself to check my privilege and chill. I need these moments of self-reflection because I rarely get time to just think when I’m chasing around my (hilarious) one-year old.

A Note on Social Pressure

Sometimes our worst enemies are ourselves and sometimes it’s straight up other people. I can only speak for myself when I say that other moms can be down right awful. And we really need to cut that shit out.

Excuse my language. Or not – this post is about doing what we want, right?

Mommy groups can be the sanctuary we need when our 3 month old gets their first cold or your kid catches some gnarly never-heard-of-before illness from daycare. They can be compassionate, empathic, encouraging, and serve as a community of love and strength. But, unfortunately, sometimes other moms can also be judgmental and nasty and the pressure that we feel to live up to their expectations can be suffocating.

My goal in my little corner of the internet is to encourage and inspire you to travel with (and without) your kids. As mothers, we devote our lives to raising happy, healthy, kind human beings. At least that’s my goal. And I decided early on that I won’t be made to feel less than because I didn’t kill myself to breast feed or chose to give my son passport stamps instead of designer clothes that he’s going to grow out of and never remember.

So if and when you either directly or indirectly feel the external pressures from strangers, friends, and family not to travel solo, do one thing. Smile. Because their fear and anxiety about upholding archaic social norms says much more about them than it does about you.

So, what do you think? Are you thinking about your first or next solo trip? I want to know in the comments!